Regardless of what time I sleep, my body has decided to wake itself up every morning at 8am now. It went from 9:30 to 8:30 to 8:00. Sigh... Can't say too much about the quality of sleep either.

My motivation to do anything is officially currently nonexistent since I'm just too exhausted to care...

I haven't even been going to lessons because I'm scared of keeling over just on the ride there! Never mind actually participating. No energy. No balance. No attention span. No memory span. No concentration.

It really sucks...

But anyway...

On Halloween I stayed at home. People came over though and we had hot pot at my house. We also watched Orphan while we were eating. Wasn't such a great movie... but I get scared so easily... (-_-;;)

That morning I walked out to the fabric store and made my costume. It didn't take too long.

I'm supposed to be an Eskimo. I got the idea off of that person who did a post about ridiculous Halloween costumes. Eskimo kisses?

Back view!

My hair was wet when I took this so it looks weird.

One of the guys that came over dressed up too as a Bleach character. I cut off his head in the picture because this was from before he fixed his hair.


My pumpkin before I carved it.

With nerd glasses! <3

After I carved my pumpkin.

It's SUPPOSED to look like Mickey...


We started to carve the pumpkin pretty late, but thanks to daylight savings my pumpkin got to shine for the last half hour or so of Halloween.... sort of.

This pumpkin was carved the day after Halloween. We still have two of them left. Not sure what's going to happen to them.


I've been spending like crazy lately to cheer myself up. Getting new stuff makes me happy. In the past few weeks I've spent $500+. That's a lot considering I used to try not to cringe at a bill of over $50 unless I really, really wanted it. Now I'm just splurging because I can. If I get off my lazy bum I'll take pictures of the things I bought.

Yesterday I blew more money. I bought some lip thing by Biotherm. It smells really good. And I also wanted this water bottle from Princepessa but then I found out it's a free gift if you spend over $40 from that brand... So I did and I got it.

Ignore my Starbucks pumpkin spice latte. I was going to get a shot in the dark but the caffeine would probably make me sick. The water bottle is on the right.
What it says on it is:



This is the mp3 version or something. I like the live version better because they repeat the pre chorus, but it doesn't sound as good as the mp3 one. This is how the second part goes in the live version:

"I heard the reverberating footsteps
Syncing up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been."
<3
The bolded part is the pre chorus they omitted before the second chorus in the mp3 version.
I have the acoustic version to Only One by Yellowcard too and I love it, but I'm not gonna post it up because the singer goes a little off key.

So long story short. I got on the bus again after work the other day and after a few stops

BAM!

Friggin pervert from the other time gets on the bus and sits next to me....

AGAIN!

I was so annoyed. I just got up.

And the JERK had the nerve to get up too! AND he "accidentally" touched me when he was reaching for the pole behind me to hang on to. How do I know it was "accidental" with the quotation marks?



He's blue because he wore the same stupid blue jacket. He touched me on the back where the red X is. Then pretended nothing happened and grabbed the gray pole where the purple X is. My drawing isn't very proportionate... but I'm not that tall and I can grab the pole where the purple X is comfortably. It's about my shoulder/neck height actually. In fact, that would be the first place I would hold on to it from even if there wasn't anyone standing where I was. Why? Because it's comfortable and the bottom half of the pole  is attached to a friggin WALL! What's the point in grabbing that?! Would YOU grab onto a wall with one hand at about waist level to keep you stable on a moving vehicle? NO! You grab something higher up and something you ACTUALLY have a GRIP on! THAT'S WHAT KEEPS YOU FROM FALLING!

And to ADD to that, why did he get up in the FIRST place? He didn't even get OFF the bus. He was just getting  in everyone's way! Who stands up from their seat on the bus before they reach their stop? I know. I did. But that was ONLY to get away from this disgusting excuse for a human being!

UGGHHH! The nerve of that guy!

I was going to deck him. I really was.

But then I thought again about all the trouble I might have to go through. Then I remembered I was rushing off to go visit some special someones...<3

And I had an apple for them! ^^

So I dropped it and got off a stop and a half away... Because I had to.

Fat, old, smelly, disgusting, creep. Out of your league much? Next time. Next time I swear I'm gonna threaten him, but I don't know if he even understands English. If he doesn't? Good. I'm gonna kick him between the legs. I doubt he'll need anything that's down there anyway. If there IS anything down there.

Ugh. Gross.

Change of subject!

The other night some friends called me out for pool. Didn't work out too well. It was a Friday night and every place was PACKED. So instead our search for a pool table to play on turned into just plain bar hopping. Didn't drink really. Virgin strawberry daiquiri and a long island iced tea was all I had the whole night.

I was a little disappointed because I was looking for someone to hang out with all night and it just so happens I WAS looking for someone to play pool with. Wanted to be sober for that. I'm bad enough at pool as it is. Not that I'm really a drinker anyway.

I was originally going to play pool with Sesame, but she turned me down that night saying she was getting sick AND she was going broke from not having a job. I thought she'd go because I invited her to go the day before when I went with the friend I talked about in my last post and she only said no in the end because she had worn bad shoes and ended up with two blisters by the end of the school day.

So I was so happy when they called me out a few hours after Sesame rejected me. AND to play pool. I was like: "dang you read my mind! I was getting so lonely!"

The guy who invited me out was starting to get mad by the end of the night because we couldn't play pool. He was mad partly because he had wanted to play all night, but mostly he was mad because that's what he said we would be doing and he felt bad about promising me something and not being able to keep it. Not to mention he felt horrible for dragging me around everywhere, knowing I don't drink all that much. I understood though, I mean, every bar we went to had pool tables. They were just all busy. I couldn't blame him for that.

At the end of the night though one of us managed to "bully" a pool table from someone. We felt bad and offered to buy them a drink, but they were nice about it and said that it was okay.

It was late by then though and we didn't even get to finish a game before I ran out of there worried about the trains stopping.

Sucks to be me. The trains DID stop by the time I got there and I had to split a cab home with one of the guys.

I didn't mind going home late too much. I hadn't been out late in a while so it was a nice change... and it wasn't even all that late. I only wish I had a little more fun since being out at that time is such a rarity for me. Not that I mind being home early. I like being at home and being able to watch Dexter with my brother before he goes to sleep. I like spending time with him.

I ended up sleeping really late. I don't remember why.

Still. Even though I was utterly exhausted, the nightmares still came and I ended up waking up at the same times I almost always do every night. Usually I wake up 2 - 3 times a night. The times I wake up at night vary and depend on when I go to sleep but almost always by 9:30 I just give up on sleeping anymore.

Last night wasn't too bad. I slept pretty well. I just woke up once at 7 and again at 9:30. I considered that a successful night of sleep, but I was still so tired I was falling asleep in class. I guess I'm not getting very good quality sleep. Well... with nightmares, how could you?

After class I decided to buy a pasta salad. Arghh... $4. So expensive. And it's not even that big! It's about the size of a small styrofoam take out box. And it wasn't full mind you.



After that I went to Starbucks for my winter staple.


Grande skim china green tips tea misto with a shot of vanilla. <3

I hate how I sound like one of those Starbucks snobs who think they're all that because they're holding a Starbucks cup and know the lingo.

Don't ask me why I went to Starbucks even though I already work at a cafe... -_-;;

Here's hoping for a good night's sleep tonight... please... it's been weeks... =[

Good night!

Right now I'm standing in front of a microwave with a busted display and a burnt out light bulb.

I put my frozen dinner inside to cook but I don't know how much time is left before it's finished. =[

I'm waiting for the microwave to beep and tell me when I can eat, but I'm hungry so I know I'm going to get impatient sooner or later. I'll probably get angry and wonder why it's taking so long. I'll probably even flip out every once in a while because I don't know what's going on inside... but I'm too afraid I'll screw it up by opening the door to actually check up on it. Should I do something? Should I inquire the microwave about it's contents? Maybe shine a flashlight or something in to it so I can see? But then... I'm scared I'll somehow screw up my microwave completely... then I'll just be left hungry AND with inedible food.

Patience is something I've never had but even though there's probably something else I can eat in the fridge or on the stove that's easier and faster I'm still going to wait. I don't really care what else I have in the house. I'm not going to bother to check because I already know that I want my friggin frozen dinner!

So here I am trying to to distract myself hoping time will go by faster, but it's not working.

I keep wondering if it's going to cook properly because I know that if it doesn't work out I'll be disheartened, I'll lose my appetite and I'll just end up starving the rest of the night. I can't help wondering whether or not it's going to taste good or if I'll like the result of my microwaving my dinner.

Will my microwave give me something good? Something I want?

Will it turn out well?

Will it be satisfying?

Have I put it in there for too long?

How long is too long?

Will it burn without me knowing?

Have I ruined it so much that it can't ever be fixed?

Will I never be able to eat it?

Maybe I should have put it in the oven?

At least that way I can kind of work with it. I can watch over it and control the temperature. At least then I'm doing something. At least then I would have felt like I put effort into making it delicious.

But... the instructions say to microwave.

The people who made it should know what's best right?

I'm just going to have to trust them and listen to them.

Every minute feels like an hour. I'm trying hard to be good... But I'm so impatient. I don't want to wait... Even though I know I have no choice. Forgive me if I lose it... again...